Whenever I get high I’m bothered to no little extent by my losing apparently quite effectively—so far as I can tell—my faculty of judgment. In particular, so much just appears to be so much funnier than I believe that I think, deep down, it must really be. (Indeed, there was one night last month when, finding myself laughing at *this?!?* terrible comic’s jokes, I just knew that I was just too far gone. It was a miserable and humiliating moment and I no longer wanted to be with myself. I stood up, walked out and went straight to bed.)
At the same time while high, however, I recognize that if it’s my capacity to judge which is brought into question, then this very questioning of my incapacity too must be brought into question, ad infinitum. And this is a terrifying understanding and/or/both misunderstanding.
So when I come up with little tweets that I think are fantastic, I’m loathe to actually tweet them on account of this self-doubt and not wanting to waste everybody’s time.* But, then, they in fact might be of value too.
Here, then, in reverse chronological order, is a collection of last night’s draft tweets while high. (I think only the one at the top of the list was actually sent out.) I think that a few are terrible, a few just appear to be terrible (and, thereby, I suppose, are terrible) and a few are great.
If you’d like, you could leave a little note or comment either below or with me listing the one(s) which you either most or least prefer, then I’ll maybe next time be better able to better identify which tiny and perhaps unfinished thoughts are of any quality in fact.
*This too may be just a waste of everybody’s time. Yet presented in this context, it’s not the same. It’s not the same at all.
1. Hey, Gary #gofuckyourself
2. Tweeting about being a comic—life couldn’t be any better! [A comic actually tweeting about being a comic.]
3. Mama told me there’d be days like this threesome.
4. “Let’s hear that 50 Cent song again.” – Nobody, ever
5. Nobody understands my tweets.
6. “You and Janey come back here anytime you like. You’re always welcome.” All I want to hear. Then I can die.
7. Never ask me about dipping sauce.
8. The immigrant men have all the best soups.
9. At 3:00, I will be tweeting my best joke ever.
10. I tweet to feed my baby. It’s the only way to feed my baby.
11. Let’s all start a tweet campaign to rally for the comics who didn’t get into JFL.
12. [To put on facebook] Always a pleasure trying out my tight JFL 5 at Not My Dog.
13. Always have a “Tropic of Cancer” “lying around”—panty peeler.
14. The sweet smell of success is a little like the sweet smell of poo.
15. Tonight in sports: somebody won.
16. Even if you’re looking for pants all day—*that’s* a day. [As in, every day’s precious.]
17. “No more ass-to-mouth (ATM) shots—am I right ladies!!” [Female comic from that era]
18. Help, they’ve taken my wallet.
19. Being *paid* in beer is okay—being *ok* with it isn’t.
20. We’re *all* better off without forced goodbyes to our pizza-sellers.
21. When high, every thought’s like, “that’s a great tweet.” *That’s* the problem with marijuana.
22. My saved conditional tweets have explanatory notes.
23. Oh good, it’s not the employee with whom I had the misunderstanding who’s at the pizza shop.
24. Way too high to tweet.
25. Always present at the worst night of my life.
26. I am a part of the worst night of my life.